10 Years...

I remember getting the call right at 8am a decade from today. I immediately felt like there was a huge hole in my heart when the phone rang. I knew it was the nurse telling us it was the end...

Since then there has been a lot of open ended questions, anger, sadness, emptiness, bitterness...  Still I can not imagine how my parents have made it on the other side. After having my babies I still can't fathom their pain. The grandkids have been a huge strength for them. They are just wonderful grandparents to those kids!

As I say how hard it has been I can not go without saying how much good I have seen. Each year is filled with so many miracles. Things that only God could orchestrate- gifts from above...Encouraging words and prayers from so many...Opportunities to help others...The biggest gift has come in forgiveness...so hard, and yet so freeing.

Today I celebrate my brother, who I always looked up to and now really have to look up to.:) Also, a little jealousy to know he is in such a glorious place.

I celebrate my parents who constantly teach me to slow down and smell the roses,  and the fish.:)

I celebrate my husband, as I am so blessed with who he is- A man of such faith and compassion, always loving me when I'm not in my most lovable moments, and getting me through these 10 years of crazy emotions.

I celebrate my kids who talk about Uncle Jarrett like they just saw him yesterday. Who quarrel like we used to. Poor Austin. Us girls fight mean.

I celebrate the driver of the car, Paul. I prayed only good would come from Jarrett's death.There were grave decisions made that night and now Paul is carrying their message with him to share with others, and is doing good things with his life. Thankful for God's grace. It now has come full circle, not just here but in so many other areas.

To others who may be going or will be going through similar pain- trust in God's plan. You may ask "why" and that is okay. You may be mad, and that is okay. HE is working even when we can't see it YET...It took ten years to see this much, and I know and trust HE has a lot more blessings from above coming- How AWESOME! It wasn't always easy, and still may be hard, but trusting HE IS perfect in such darkness gives me hope that there is light on the other side. As Austin says, "GOOD always wins over Bad"-Just not always in our own timing, Son.